Long story short, my iPod was feeling as suicidal as ABC News wishes Britney was, and leaped head first out of my pocket, into on coming pedestrian traffic. It never stood a chance... or did it? For a few days, I would turn on the iPod, just to see if I could revive it, and was greeted each time by the same picture of a sad iPod:
After 2 weeks, on Easter Sunday of all days, (and certain people can corroborate this part of the story: my roommate Kevin, Caleb, Maura...Peter, John, James.... but Peter will deny it. He always does!) I was feeling religious for whatever reason, and worked up the guts to turn it on... one....last....time.
As you may have already guessed, the myth - the man - the legend, Jesus Christ, was with ME that day too, and resurrected my iPod for all the world to see.
As you can imagine I was stunned, but it wasn't the first time JC had kept an eye on me. (He knows what I'm talking about)
Well, miracle of miracles it was NOT, and the iPod did breathe life once again, but it wasn't the same. He was moody, antisocial, and never listened to my needs. It was all, "low battery" this, and "connect me to a power source" that.
Our relationship was over, and the following autumn, I upgraded to the NEW, Sleeker, blacker, more powerful, iPod Nano 2.0
I named her Jenny, and for the last few months, Jenny and me were together all the time, just like peas and carrots.
But as you know, there would be no story here without another tragedy.
Everyday, I get to my office, take out my ear buds, wind them up around Jenny and put them in my jacket pocket. I then remove my jacket, and place it on the back of my chair. That way I know where they are all day. Right next to me, until the evening when I can put them back on.
But not today.
Today, for whatever reason, instead of winding the headphones around the iPod, I just folded them up a few times and shoved them in my pocket.
And in that process, one of the ear pieces must have fallen out, and SOMEHOW wound its way around the innards of my desk chair's hydraulic lift - and - spin system, thereby twisting and stretching the wires, round and round, all day long, while I innocently wiggled in my chair, until I had inadvertently asphyxiated them to the point of snapping.
I now had earphones in 2 pieces. And nothing to listen to on the way home. Once I arrived there, I went in for closer inspection.
This wasn't a simple decapitation. This was mutilation. This was paper in a shredder. This was one of the victims from SAW II. This was man mauled by tiger at San Francisco zoo.
You can literally see where the chair chewed through the rubber casing, exposing the wires to a world they should NEVER know. And I am left, helpless, and wondering, "Are you there God? It's me, Evan."
Two iPod catastrophes in 9 months! Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. And like in the movie Stranger Than Fiction, today's tragedy sets off a chain of events that change my life. Like because I didn't have earphones tonight, I wasn't listening to music as I crossed 8th Avenue, allowing me to hear the siren of the ambulance that sped through the red light, therefore NOT getting hit by it.
Or maybe this is the start of some quarter-life crisis. I am 23 now, you know. I recently made the switch to the big 2-3, and had a fantastic party to celebrate, which you were probably at*
*or just told me you would be.
Either way, I can't handle all of this Apple-related disappointment. What's next, a snow-globe falls on, and crushes my laptop?? Beth??
I think I'll just stay away from electronics for a while. The radio and micro waves are just going to kill us faster anyway. Right?
A year older, a year wiser, another pair of earbuds down the drain. Stick around, surely things can only get more interesting.
Evan
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