Did Jesus Trick-or-Treat?

This Halloween, I thought it was important to remember the reason we celebrate this holy-day in the first place: Jesus Christ.

What a guy, right? We all know the story. All he wanted to do as a kid was go trick-or-treating with his friends, dressed as his favorite old testament character, but of course his "friend" Judas showed up wearing the same costume: Moses. The beard, the robe, the whole bit. When Jesus confronted him about it at Gethsemane playground, Judas strung him up on the tether ball pole and gave him a wedgie. What a jerk!

And that's why we celebrate Halloween. I think. So, on a day where we dress up like characters from both the real and fictional past, people we admire, revere, and completely idolize, I whipped up a little costume in tribute to the man himself: JC


















You would not BELIEVE the reactions I got from some people. While I went around giving out Nilla wafers, and drinking wine I had just made out of a bottle of Poland Spring, some people had some very not nice things to say to me.

"You just want people to say 'Oh My God' and you'll say 'WHAT!', like they were talking to you." Disgusting. That could not be further from the truth. I couldn't even think of that by myself.

"Blasphemy!" They cried.

"Blasphe-YOU!" I replied. "Don't make me tell my dad!"

Then there were the people who were too ashamed of me to even acknowledge me. Karen invited me to a costume party at the bakery she works at, but said I could not come dressed as Jesus because it was insulting. To whom? I told her I would show up and proclaim to everyone that I was there with Karen and she was my best friend.

"I'll deny I know you," she replied.

DE-NIED! Just like Jesus by Peter the Apostle. I always knew Karen was bad news.

It wasn't all bad though. At parties, everyone wanted a picture with the big guy. Banana....



















Aphrodite...















Hugh Hefner....















80s Aerobics Instructors...















Rainbow Witch (she asked for a blessing. Who am I to say no)...















And even the Incredible Hulk...





























Overall, I would say this has been one hell of a Halloween. I really let it sink in, you know, what this holiday means to me. And I discovered that, in the end, it means absolutely nothing except horror and chocolate. Like Easter. So get out there today, beg for candy, and remember the man who made it all possible.

Next year I might go as something a little more fun, because I'll tell ya that crown of thorns was not comfortable at ALL.















Maybe. We'll see.

Happy Halloween Everyone!

PS! VERY IMPORTANT! (not at all). My friend Julie submitted me for this silly Neutrogena promotion for men's shaving products. And now I want to win. So please go to www.shavehisface.com, select Boston University, and type in photo # 1206 and rate me a 5!!!!!!!!!!

-ev

Breaking News: Scissor Sisters are...MEN???

It has recently come to my attention that music fans everywhere have been lied to for the past few years as to the identities of the members of the band, Scissor Sisters. After seeing them in concert tonight, I can tell you with 100% positivity:

They aren't sisters at all, but a sextuplet of gender bending entertainers, 5 male, 1 unknown.















With lyrics such as:

"I ain't got nothing but your seed on my face,
You'll put them babies to waste
Without your finger in the pie"

-and-

"Kiss you off my lips
I don't need another tube of that dime-store lipstick
Well I think I'm gonna buy me a brand new shade of man"

I was almost certain that only wicked, promiscuous females could come up with stuff like this, but I was delightfully mistaken. The head of the group, Jake Shears (get it??), provided the audience (including every 'mo in Boston) with a fun thrusting/stripping combination and an incredible vocal range. No joke, he's one of the most attention commanding front-men I have ever seen.















I was accompanied by my very good friend Maura, who was the perfect date. Maura and I rarely ever see each other outside of the gym (we met as kickboxing instructor/apprentice...and it's blossomed from there) or the computer lab, so it was nice to relax and spend a night out together not in sweatpants.















They are completely over the top, which I love. Totally camp. Costumes, bad jokes, the whole bit. The show was a throwback to Studio 54 and Elton John. And supposedly they are pro-Kylie, anti-Madonna. Whoa.















In other news, what a great weekend! It all started on Friday when Beth came up from Hartford. We spent the weekend talking about the great things that happen when we get together. Friday we hit up the Cheesecake Factory for Justin's Birthday, and after an enormous meal we all slipped into food comas right at the table. 3 months later, our waiter woke us up and we ordered dessert.















After a comedy show, a stroll through a pumpkin patch, late night tea in bed, and hours of confused looks from other people, I have decided that we should probably marry, since it doesn't look too promising for us otherwise.

After all, the sanctity of marriage has been corrupted and destroyed by Polygamists and Tom Cruise, so I think we should give it a go. Whataya say? You've heard of inter-faith, now try inter-preference! Nice.















Saturday night we went to a Halloween party 10 days too early....also known as simply a costume party. Beth and I were pirates, but we were a special division of pirates who only pillage cupcakes, as explained on our shirts. We're like the SVU of pirates.














At the party we met up with Kenny and Rachel who were partner-costumed as Britney and K-Fed. PS- add them to the list of people who have ruined marriage for the rest of the world.





























The weekend wrapped up with a birthday party. Nicholas finally turned 21, the last of our group to make the big switch. Happy Birthday, Nick!















And I'm almost 22...gross. Anyway, the party brought together a very special group of people. We have been lucky enough to grow up together for the last 7 or 8 years (some of us longer), and now that we are all finally legal, I look forward to the next step.















So, I'd like to toast to Jack Brown, who from what I hear, is a fact now!

Later

Is There Cause for a Cause?

I awoke this morning to a beautiful sight. It was the sky. Something was in the air. I'm pretty sure it was the sun.

















As I walked to class, I was stopped by a man in a yellow wind-breaker with a clipboard. "Oh what is it today," I thought. Animal rights? Anti-war? Kill the whales? Feed the obese? Starve the kids? Re-elect Bush? Jews for Mel Gibson? Christians for Lutherans? Every day, it's something new. You can't walk a day down Com Ave without being hounded by some kind of activist.

"Do you have a minute for gay rights?"

I was then informed that today was National Coming Out day. I found that incredibly fitting, considering yesterday was National Stay In the Closet Day, and tomorrow is National Reorganize Your Closet Day. These last 2 didn't seem to make any sense until I found out about today's holiday. A natural progression, it only made sense.

Anyway, I decided to celebrate and show my support NOT by donating money like they wanted (greedy gays), but by blogging. I know...just as good.

First off, I wanted to invite some people to share this day with me, and to use this day as a platform for themselves. It's Coming Out Day, so come on out everyone! I know it's tough. But I think you can handle it.




























































Come on you guys, you're not fooling Anyone!

Next, I'd like to congratulate the long list of people who have recently come out of the closet, and shown their true colors to the perfectly gay-friendly world we live in. So to the following people, I say, congrats on being such amazing role models for the universally accepted gay community.













































































It's hard to decide sometimes where our passions and loyalties lie. There are so many issues to take issue with in the world, how can we keep track of the one's we support? People stop me every day to ask if I have a minute for their issue. Don't they know that college students don't have a minute for anyone but themselves? If I care about animals, do I have to be a vegetarian? If I am against the war, do I need to attend a rally? If I am gay, do I have to support gay marriage?

God I hope not. Sure I love cows. They're great. But I also love a good piece of meat.

So is there really cause for so many new causes? We've spent the majority of our lives having opinions and not changing them no matter what people sell or tell us. It's our nature. We are a stubborn generation. I think it's useless to recruit believers on a college campus. So GO AWAY wind-breaker wearing, clipboard-holding loonies. Prey on someone your own level of crazy.

In other news, I have finally started to treat this year like a senior year. I'm a dirty stay-out.
















And I dance in my seat.
















And I cheat on BU with BC.
















I'm extremely pleased with how this year has begun, and how my stay at BU is taking shape as a whole.

As for National Coming Out day....well....I guess it's time to tell you.....







I'm a fiscal republican.

Finally, I'd like to congratulate the staff at BU's daily newspaper for making today's SUDOKU especially challenging.
















Answers on page 2, but also pictured directly above. Way to go!

Peace out dirty activists!

-evan

What the HELL is Wrong With People??

After a brief hiatus from the fantastic life of the eVsperience (Jewish High Holidays, duh!), I got right back into the swing of things this week with a few movie screenings, some good news, some bad news, and some disturbing revelations about the human race.

First off, Nick and I saw "Running with Scissors" last week, the film adaptation of Augusten Burroughs' memoirs. One of the most enjoyable movies I have seen this year, it's right up there with Little Miss Sunshine herself. Annette Benning is one of my favorite PEOPLE, let alone actors. See this movie. I promise you will look at your past and say, "Maybe I really DID have a normal childhood."















The other flick I saw was "SHORTBUS", the second movie from the writer of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch". SHORTBUS is the most sexually explicit movie to ever be released in American cinema to not be considered porn. Maybe it's because we're all a bit older, or maybe it's because we look at sex from a different angle than when we were younger. And maybe we have all been desensitized to porn, but I couldn't help but get caught up in the story on the screen, instead of going "Hey that lady's masterbating"....or "Hey that guy's giving THAT guy a BJ, AND getting one in return. Right on!" I mean, she was. And they certainly were. But it wasn't about that. It was about how and why they got there, what it meant, and how they deal with it afterwards.















In other news, today I received confirmation that circumventing the law really can save a person up to $345...like Geiko, only without the funny commercials.

On a cool June morning this past summer, I got 3 parking tickets in a period of 1 hour on the Upper East Side, for being parked overnight on street-cleaning day.
$115 at 7:40
$115 at 8:15
$115 at 8:30 (Couldn't you JUST FUCKING TOW ME ALREADY!!!?!?!?!?)

BIG Nightmare?? or HUGE moral victory??






My dad heard about this webiste from the guy who cuts our hair: ParkingTickets.com Started by a group of former traffic cops, they know every loophole in the system, and guarantee you that they will beat your ticket, based on small mistakes that every officer is bound to make when writing a ticket. Thanks to 3 different NYC parking officers who wrote the wrong address down on one ticket, the wrong vehicle class on another, and completely neglected to specify a day/time of my infraction on the third, I am free as a bird.








ANARCHY IN NYC!

Well that's the good news. The bad news is: my Netflix got lost in the mail :( Damn

And finally: A short case study in the unspoken rules of MySpace socialization.

In every MySpace profile, there is an area next to a person's photo for a headline or quote. This space takes on a number of forms: funny quips that recognize their own existence as MySpace headlines ("this is my myspace headline"), not so funny quips in response to the first group about how out-dated they are ("insert my very original quote here"), slutty cries for sexual attention ("the hottest piece of ass this side of the Mississippi, bitchez"), ghetto ignorance ("NuMbA 1 PlAyA MuThA FuCkAZZZZZZZ"), and the purely irreverent.

I like to keep mine in the last category, by juggling between various lines from the movie "Happiness". Some of you know why that's significant, the rest of you just play along. It's lines like "I came" or "I put them into baggies and have been throwing them out ever since". Lines that, when taken out of the script, really don't mean anything....or DO they?!?!



















Most recently, I had the line "Billy had fun too. We all did". A seemingly innocent exchange. Until I received this message from someone I didn't know:












"Is your quote a reference to you being fucked in the ass?" NO!! What The Hell Is Wrong with People?!?! It's a reference to Johnny Grasso getting did by his best friend's dad. I swear, some people.

First of all, what kind of creeper would even make that connection out of thin air?? Or more disturbingly, who goes looking for it?? I kind of have to applaud the guy for having the balls to even ask (because laughing about it totally made my day)...but show some class next time. If it's any consolation, HIS quote was from a Burt Bacharach song. Lame?


Peace out, Sickos!

-ev