Hi friends - this has been making me laugh allllll day. So I wanted to share. I guess I forgot I still had this blog as a forum. I'm a little rusty still.... but here goes nothing!
The website I work for sells this hideous
thing for some reason, and it's called the "69 Watch". From the get-go, it perplexes.
Not only is it just SO ugly, but it makes no sense. Let's look at the copy that accompanies it in the store, written 3-4 years ago:
"69 Is More Than a Position…It's a Watch!
This unique time piece features a gold case with a black mirror dial and a jet black genuine leather strap. Make a statement with this watch, every "time" that you wear it!"
I have multiple problems with this copy - the awful line about "positions" not even being the biggest one. I think I most hate the fact that whoever wrote it put 'time' in quotes, trying to be clever by making ABSOLUTELY SURE WE KNOW THIS IS A WATCH. Because it tells "time", get it? This is like me starting an email with:
You can call me Evan, because it's my "name".
Now, we are doing a "Spring Cleaning" newsletter tomorrow to try and get rid of these god-awful things, and I have to write the accompanying descriptions.
Some possible ideas I've come up with so far:1. Do you know any 13 year olds that need a watch? If you know someone born in 1996 - this is the watch for them!
2. Is your grandma or grandpa, mom or dad turning 96 soon? Send them a beautiful watch to remind them just how old they are!
3. Why is this watch called the "69" when its clearly says "96" on it? Are we dyslexic? More importantly, ARE YOU? THEN THIS WATCH IS FOR YOU! Get one for all the dyslexic list on your friends.
4. Are you SO strapped for cash that you can't afford a cell phone, and have NO OTHER WAYS of telling the time? Not even a fucking VCR or some shit? Then pick up this god forsaken $29 watch, Jesus Christ. Just get it the hell away from me.
5. The best part of the 96 "69" watch is that, if you turn it over or look at it upside-down.... oh my god it STILL says 96!! You would need to hold your wrist to a mirror at all times to make it even resemble 69. WHAT THE F!
Or these options, submitted by reader and good friend, Nick:
6. COLLECTOR'S ITEM!! Authentic prop watch worn by the 1990's rap duo Kris Kros!
7. Comes with double-sided, leather, 5 inch, strap-on band! Free!!
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
8. !!toidi gnikcuf a er'uoY
(Thank you, Nick!)
My colleague, Karen, seems to think that the watches were made this way because that is where the numbers would be positioned on a regular watch..........
SO??!?!???!!??!
If that's the case, then the 12 and the 3 should also be there, and it should be called the "Weird Big Numbers" watch. Or NONE of them should be there, and the watch should not even exist.
I definitely vote for non-existence. But awww... look how happy these 2 are:
Looks like they just 96'ed the shit out of each other.
Posts
